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The Seven Coolest Things Sifu Fogg Has Ever Done:

7.   Kung Fu Phony: Back before cell phones, Sifu carried around a big white cordless phone while he taught class at the old Marshall school. It seemed to always ring during Horse Stance time and it was always some student from another country whom he hadn’t talked to in years. I hated those students. One evening, when Sifu was fighting the whole class, the phone rang. He told us to keep attacking. As we did, he mantis hopped over to the phone, answered it, and kept talking while he beat us down with one hand. Two times, he even asked the caller to hold on while he smacked us on the forehead with the phone. He told the caller he had to squash a bug. Oh yeah, he was smoking too.

6.   Bar Hopping: One winter morning at 5 AM, John Cheng and I ganged up on Sifu inside a nightclub. We were fighting on top of the bar. We fell off, repeatedly. He didn’t. (Don’t ask)

5.   The Grim Grappler: A loud-mouthed grappler visited our school once and commented that once he got hold of anyone, it was over. They couldn’t do anything about it; said he’d been studying for years and he was unstoppable. Normally, Sifu just let this kind of foolish talk go, but this guy just kept on and on. Finally, with Sifu’s permission, he let this guy wrap him up in some crazy hold. While lying there in a tight ball of arms and legs, Sifu asked the guy three times if he was ready. I heard the dude say yes, and then I heard him scream. He sprang to his feet and ran out of the school still screaming. He never returned.

4.   Butterfly Stance: In Sifu’s early days of being in Texas, he only had Karate people to fight with. One evening, he fought an entire Karate school while sitting in butterfly stance. (How do you explain being beaten up by a man never stood up?)

3.   Immovable Horse Stance: Following an afternoon training session at his house, Sifu sat in horse stance with his back to the bumper of his Ford Falcon and had a student put the car in reverse and ease down on the gas pedal. Sifu held the car in place for at least 60 seconds while the driver steadily increased pressure on the gas.

2.   Falling Ashes: Often times when fighting with me, Sifu would be smoking. On many occasions, the ashes would grow really long. It was amazing. As fragile as cigarette ashes are, these somehow remained intact. Despite Sifu kicking, jumping, hopping, and beating me to a pulp, these ashes seemed to defy gravity. They simply dangled from the end of his cigarette while my life dangled from the end of his fists. I concentrated on not watching the ashes, but I couldn’t help it. I kept waiting for them to fall. Finally, they did, and without missing a beat, Sifu would hit me, catch the falling ashes with the same hand, and then hit me again. While I tumbled across the hard wood floor, Sifu would just smile and light another cigarette.

1.   Sorry, I’ve been sworn to secrecy on this one.

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4 Responses to “The Seven Coolest Things Sifu Fogg Has Ever Done:”

  1. Kerry MacArthur Says:

    Terrific post Sifu Jones.

    Mine has to be his patience. I used to come up with every sort of idiotic “ultimate technique” that was supposed to land a solid hit on sifu. It always ended up with me flying across the room wondering what the heck just happened. But he always let me try them, every night, letting me be me.

    Who can be that way without getting mad or saying “Go away you are an idiot!”

  2. Jow Gau Johnson Says:

    Thank you Sifu Jones,
    I absolutely love it…..I’m still laughing from reading this. I wish I could have been there back in those days.

  3. Nan Ball Says:

    Hey, Sifu Jones! Glad to see you are doing well!

  4. Sifu Cheng Says:

    I remember going to Longview and rolling and kicking up dirt in his backyard. He would always get me with his rolling monkey kicks to take me down. The thing that would really scare me the most was when he would graze the top of my head whenever he would do his reverse jump spinning hook kick. I know that is hard to believe to think he could get off the ground but back then he could fly.

    I also remember in the Marshall school across from Central Baptist Church when we rented space from this machine shop. There were all sorts of metal tools and chains and sharp gear. He would have us play hands blindfolded maneuvering around all that stuff. It’s amazing we are all still here.